|
Dating violence occurs when one person gains power and control in the relationship by verbal, emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse.
1 in 10 teens are affected.
Characteristics of an abusive dating relationship are: jealousy,possessiveness and over-exaggerated attention.
1/3 of young adults between 16 and 24 have reported being involved in at least one abusive dating relationship. Most women in long-term abusive relationships say that there were signs and symptoms of abusive behaviour even while they were dating their partner.
Date rape accounts for 60% of all rapes.
95% of all people who are the victims in an abusive relationship are women.
|
|
Signs of an Abusive Dating Relationship
If you answer "yes" to two or more of the following questions, your teenager may be in an abusive dating relationship:
-Does your teenager come home with unexplained injuries?
-Do you see signs that your teen is afraid of their partner?
-Does the partner check up on your teenager?
-Does the partner lash out, call names or talk cruelly to or about your teen?
-Does your teen seem to be giving up things that once seemed important?
-Has your teen lost interest in school, friends, time with family, activities?
-Does your teen apologize for the partner's behaviour to you and others?
-Have you seen the partner be abusive or display aggressive behaviours toward other people, property and/or pets?
-Has your teen's appearance and/or behaviour changed?
|
|
What a Parent Can Do
-Become informed about the dynamics of dating violence
-Ask your teen about the relationship
-Believe them
-Don't blame them; avoid saying "I told you so"
-Support them - listen and let them talk
-Let them make choices and don't pressure them to do what you want
-Seek professional help for you and your teen
Over the longer term, proactive parenting can teach healthy relationships and prevent dating violence.
-talk with your teens about the issues involved in teen dating before they get into a serious relationship and help them develop strategies to stay safe
-teach your teen to be assertive and exercise his/her own rights while respecting those of others
-role model conflict resolution at home: listening, compromise, and problem-solving are all powerful skills
-challenge the images and attitudes in the media that create a tolerance for violence in intimate relationships
-help your teen identify and define healthy relationships
|
|
Signs of an Unhealthy Dating Relationship for Teens
Does your new boyfriend/girlfriend show:
1) Exaggerated attention: 'around the clock" charming attention, frequent calls, lavish gifts, tries to impress your friends, family
2)Possessiveness: wants all of your attention and time
3)Jealousy:questions your relationships with others, accuses you of flirting or dressing to get attention, unreasonable suspicion of your movements
4)Abusive Talk Aimed at You: discounting your opinions, mocking you, unpredictable moods, stops complimenting you, doesn't apologize when appropriate. These changes can be subtle; pay attention to your own feelings and reactions.
5)Criticism of Others: starts by criticism of small things in others to make you doubt yourself and fear s/he will start to criticize you. This can make it easier to control you.
6)Competing with You for Attention from Other People: calls attention to self or asks for a compliment if you are paid one by someone, gets competitive - his/her needs some first.
|
|
Reactions to an Abusive Relationship
Early in the relationship you may find yourself:
-overexplaining where you have been, why you do what you do, who you were with. All of this can chip away at your sense of self.
-apologizing, even for things you haven't done
-making efforts to please him/her to the point where you feel like you are giving up yourself. Healthy relationships involve some mutual interests and some separate interests each partner supports.
-changing yourself to try to fit his/her version of "perfect" and losing who you really are in the process
-misinterpreting his possessiveness and jealousy as love and caring
Later you may start to recognize the abuse:
-recognize that you are not to blame and can't make the behaviour stop
-consider ending the relationship
-recognize that no one has the right to control you
-consider talking to a parent or other adult about what is happening
|
|
What are the Characteristics of a Healthy Relationship?
A healthy relationship should have all of these characteristics. Even missing a few should make you ask how safe and satisfying your relationship is.
-trust
-honesty
-respect
-boundaries
-equality
-acceptance
-intimacy
-commitment
-openness
-growth
-affirmation
-risk
-flexibility
-balance
-space/individuality
-good communication
-conflict resolution
-laughter and fun
|
|
What if You Think You Might be Abusive?
Signs that you are abusive include:
- excessive jealousy of your partner
- you are critical of your partner
- you like to scare your partner through reckless actions
- you become very angry about trivial things
- you criticize his/her friends and/or family and ask him/her to stop seeing them
- you feel depressed but won't talk about your feelings
- you come from an abusive home
- you become angry or violent when you use drugs or alcohol
- you have traditional ideas about male and female roles
- you make threats toward your partner, his/her family or friends, his/her pets, or you threaten to hurt yourself
- you have hurt your partner - hit, pushed,kicked,sexally assaulted or threatened
Actions you can take:
- recognize the early warning signs
- be direct about what you want and don't expect people to read minds
- accept "no" as a final answer if that's what your partner says
- know that drugs and alcohol can weaken your self-control and impair your judgment but they do not cause your behaviour
- take responsibility for your own behaviour; your partner does not "cause" your behaviour and your violence will increase if you don't take action to stop it
- get out of a tense, potentially explosive situation to give yourself time to cool down
- realize that apologizing afterward does not solve the problem
- know that sexual assualt, physical violence and threats of physical violence are crimes and you could face fines or jail time
- talk to someone you trust and seek a counsellor through Southwest Crisis Services, Mental Health or other community agencies - violence can be "unlearned"
|
|
|
|
|
